Accountability and Reflection - Week 2

Yesterday marked the end of 'Week 2'. Without a doubt, this week was better than the first week, with some significant efforts with exercise matched by some very consistent eating habits throughout the week. 

• Tuesday - 18k steps. Trip to the beach but decent nutrition. Nice long walk. 
• Wednesday - Nutrition was decent, but a little bit of over-eating after the bike ride. 5k steps (could be much better) but day included 20 miles of cros-country biking in the forest. 
• Thursday - Nutrition spot-on. 19k steps!! Kickabout with the football lads. Nutrition spot-on. At work. 10k steps. 1 hour push session. 
• Friday - Nutrition spot-on. at work. 9k steps. 1 hour pull session. 
• Saturday - Nutrition spot-on. Kickabout. 13k steps.
• Sunday - 9k steps. A little walk. Nutrition spot-on.
• Monday - Nutrition spot-on. 18 mile bike ride. 50 min strength training. 

Week's beginning weight: 194.5lb.

Week's ending weight: 188.9lb.

Week's loss: 5.6lb. 

Week's lowest: 188.9 (Tues).

Feeling: Good. I've had a really consistent week and managed really well with sub-1900 Kcal daily. I've had a decent (ish) amount of sleep each night and I've exercised/moved well. No weekend binge and managed to say no to a takeaway at the weekend and felt really positive for it. If I can keep this up for the majority of the 50 Day Challenge then this is going to go well. 

Clothes are feeling bigger. I feel physically fitter. I am getting noticeably better definition around my body. I am pleased. 

The next big challenge will be keeping this up. Yesterday (Tuesday) I came home from the forest and had a mini-binge (8 crackers large) haha and felt a bit naff for it. I didn't need them but was in that 'I can't stop' momentum. This can't happen too often and, funnily enough, I had put on 0.5lb this morning when I weight. Yes:Reminder: Fluctuations are normal and are going to happen, but this was one that possibly could have been avoided. We move on. 

At time of writing, 36 days until my holiday. 36 days remaining on the 50 Day Challenge. 5 weeks and 1 day. That's not a lot at all. 

Currently on target. Feeling good.

Team: Bread and Allioli

This isn't supposed to be one of the weekly reflection posts, more a reflection of the target point I set myself. In a previous pot, I talked about benchmarking against a set weekly weight that (although looking at weekly lowest, etc, on a Tuesday) I have set some weigh-in targets for on Sundays. 

This Sunday's was looking like it was going to be a hard one to get to because of the wobbly end to Week 1. The target was to get to 190lb... and I met it! I'll obviously give it further thought and reflection on Tueday, or around then. But for now, within my calorie target, we are having heat-up rolls and allioli. 

"If you want the cookie, have the cookie". 

Tonight was one of those nights. Having been incredibly focussed and made some really decent progress this week, it was going to get tough over the weekend to be absolutely mint with nutrition. There's been a few hurdles, such as people around me wanting/having takeaways and me being very nearly persuaded, but I managed to hold off... and felt great for it. 

So by having those foods tonight that felt 'naughty', I should be able to hold off the high calorie foods for a little longer.

Going well so far. 

11 days down, 39 days to go. 

Next week's Sunday target point is 187 I believe, so 3lb loss. That should be do-able (and smash-able) if I keep pushing myself. Let's see...

Boris is supposed to be announcing air bridges tomorrow, which is another step towards our holiday happening at the end of the 50 days... Should help spur me on a little more!

A Week in Fluctuations

As previously mentioned in 'What Gets Measured Gets Improved', I am going to be weighing daily throughout my 50 Day Challenge, almost entirely without fail. During the mid-point break when we go away to Croyde, I might not do it then, but for the rest of the time I will, for reasons explained in that post.

Why am I reiterrating that to myself? Because on the last couple of mornings I've felt like not weighing, because I knew that what it would show might not be too pleasing for me!

But these fluctuations are normal and can definitely be expected. Particularly when I have days that are going to be more carb heavy or hydration-heavy than others. 

So, the last few days looked like this as numbers:

• 200.8
• 197.9
• 196.0
• 195.1
• 193.7
• 193.1
• 193.4
• 194.5
• 193.5
• 195.5

As a graph... this would be pretty much a U shape currently, but I hit the ground running pretty hard, so the losses we always going to be strong. 

However, I do need to get back to tracking calories and ensuring that if I exercise early in the morning, I don't feel the need to compensate for this with snacks throughout the day, which I think it where it has impacted most on my relation to gravity (my weight!).

Still, over the last 5 days there's only been a couple of pounds in it. If I really want to push myself hard with this, I will lose 5 and a half pounds in the next 5 days (even if only water retention) because it would be fab to stay on target for maximum loss in these 50 days. 

8 days in. 42 remaining. 

Accountability and Reflection - Week 1

So it is the end of week one. Somehow I started this 50 Day Challenge on a Tuesday so I'm having a bit of accountability and reflection time on a Tuesday. The first week wasn't perfect, but it was definitely progress. That's the main thing. 

• Tuesday - Nutrition spot-on. 8k steps (could be better) but day included a 22mile bike ride. 
• Wednesday - Nutrition spot-on. 11k steps. Back at work. 1 hour pull session.
• Thursday - Nutrition spot-on. At work. 10k steps. 1 hour push session. 
• Friday - Nutrition spot-on. at work. 11k steps. 1 hour pull session. 
• Saturday - Nutrition pretty decent. Kickabout. 17k steps.
• Sunday - Nutrition deteriorated. Quite a few 'treats'. Too many calories taken on board. Did go for a tough bike ride in the morning and a hill walk with small child on my back. So all not lost..!
• Monday - Nutrition sub-standard. Made some pretty poor choices. Think I was still feeling a bit of a carb low and was tired from a poor night sleep, so reached for the crackers and biscuits a few too many times. Went on a few walks in the day. 12k steps. 

Week's beginning weight: 200lb.

Week's ending weight: 194lb.

Week's loss: 6lb. 

Week's lowest: 193.1 (Fri).

Feeling: Good. A little disappointed in myself for the choices over Sat, Sun and Mon. These would have helped the consitency of weight loss if I had made these mint days too. However, we are striving for progress, not perfection, which is exactly what we are getting. 

So today was a new day and the start of a new week of my 50 Day Challenge. I went for a 5 mile walk along the beach whilst pushing the pushchair, surely that's a good start to the active week. I finished the day on 18k steps and a really tough push and pull workout with my brother. We have an early morning ride tomorrow and my nutrition has been pretty decent today. So, fingers crossed, another decent week this week, continuing in the right direction. 

In order to stand a chance of hitting the magical 172lb number for my summer holiday I need to really push myself with the target numbers. So...

Targets for next week: Aiming to get to 190lb by Sunday (though I might push this to Tuesday to give myself a little wriggle room). This is do-able if I consider that 193 was my lowest last week. 

Inspiration for this week has been the changes to likelihood of holiday actually happening in the summer and bookings made for the October holiday too. At the end of this 50 Day Challenge, it really does look like we will all be going away together to Majorca, where I can really celebrate the changes I have made over the weeks I've been working at it. Our pal Boris has confirmed today that the gyms will not be re-opening anytime soon (though pubs and restaurants have...) so it looks like cycling and garden workouts are set to continue for the foreseeable future. I just need to keep reminding myself that my NEAT (non-exercise thermogenesis) and my nutrition choices will have way more impact that my workouts will. 

Got to remember to be kind to myself also. This isn't going to be perfect and if I stop myself enjoying it, it won't be sustainable. Need to get back onto tracking properly tomorrow. That has stopped over the last few days and I've treated it far too 'intuitively'! 

“What Gets Measured Gets Improved”

I have always had different ways of looking at progress (or the lack thereof) when dieting or trying to improve my shape or fitness.

When confiding the 50 Day Challenge that I have set for myself, I needed to think about how I was going to measure the progress, how I could break this down into target points and goals and then finally, the end point measurements I would be hoping for. In previous posts I have mentioned about the magical end goal number of 172lb... Why this number as a final target point? Well back in March 2017 I was 172lb and I was really quite pleased with how I looked and felt. 

So, the 50 Day Challenge and chosen measurements... Anyone that has gone through body transformations in the past will know about all the different measures of progress. Some are controlled by us, others just happen... Here are my thoughts for the next 50 days:

• The most famous: ‘The Sad Step’ (weighing scales). Looking at your relation to the gravity working on your body and the impact your nutrition and training has had on that. I am going to be using weighing scales almost on a daily basis. Obsessive? Nope. Then, why? Well over the years I have come to see that fluctuations in weight are extremely normal, even on a day-to-day basis. How hydrated you are from exercise or lack off drinking the day before impacts on this. The amount of carbs you’ve eaten in the last 48 hours and the amount of water retention this results in, impact on this. If female, hormones impact massively on this. So weighing on a certain day and hoping that it tells you the number you want to hear is a veery risky game and could massively impact on motivation if it goes the wrong way for you. What I have got into the habit of doing in recent months when trying to ‘cut’ is weighing on a daily basis and then monitoring fluctuations, then at weekly review points, looking at the weeks lowest and the week’s average. These are a far fairer representation that the numbers are going in the direction that I want them to. Too many commercial weight loss groups are toying with people’s emotions with their weekly weigh-ins that are a game of luck and can really impact motivation (and price of the next week’s SW or WW visit!). There’s also been an element of ‘well I’m weighing on Friday, ooo I lost some weight, I will reward myself over the weekend’ or ‘Ah I’ve been bad but I have a lot of days until weigh in so I can catch up for it’. Whereas with daily, there’s an element off accountability each and every morning, which certainly impacts on your choices at 8pm the night before. So, for now, daily weigh-ins that give me a fairer understanding of the fluctuations my relationship to the Earth’s gravity is the weigh forward. 
• BMI: This obviously derives from weight and height, etc, but gives a (rather dated and unreliable) numerical value to your height and weight ratio. Why do I hate it so much? It really doesn’t make as much sense as other measurements as it does not take into account body shape or muscle mass. I’ve always been really broad-shouldered and had a half-decent amount of muscle on me. This negatively impacts on your BMI score. For the last few years of my life, which I feel Is unfair, I have been in the ‘obese’ category of BMI score. Fat, yes. Squidgy around the edges, yes. Obese? No. I’m pretty sure a BMI calculator used ‘Morbidly Obese’ for me previously. There’s a special group of people on this planet that this term should be saved for. I shouldn’t be classed as one of them. Again, it is a number that comes under the ‘what gets measured gets improved’ title, so I will look at these numbers over time, but I certainly won’t be giving any emotional value to them.
• Fitting of clothes: How your clothes look and feel on you as you change shape. Perhaps a numerical or alphabetical values on this. I really like this, and this has always made a big difference to me. It is quite a big indicator for me. I know when I have ‘let myself go’ a little by the fitting of my clothes. When I am back into the same 3 t-shirts that I bought 10 years ago, I know it is definitely time to change. I have a larger than average pair of chesticles, and this really impacts on how clothes fit on me. So as I get into a better shape and as I edge closer towards the magical 172lb number, I can really see improvements in the fitting of clothes. 
• Photos: How you look when you have photos taken of you, whether the purposeful ‘transformation’ photos you ask your spouse to take of you, or the surprise photos taken by family members that capture every one of your chins. This haas really impacted on me over the years. I’m a little vain I suppose, but I have obsessed how I look in pictures over the years. Not in a narcissistic 6-pack influencer type of way, but more in a ‘I have 2 chins in that photo’ or ‘hmm, my moobs are really sticking out in that picture’ type of way. I know how I want to look and how I look in photos, particularly the surprise photos, gives me a good indicator of progress towards that. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos are good for reflection about how far you have come. Frogs in boiling water and all that, sometimes we need a reminder of how far we have already come to help motivate the journey further. Incidentally, my Google Photos account is full of ‘before’ photos that never got their ‘after’ photo, because I never got to that finishing point. However, for every 10 of those, I have 1 good ‘transformation’ photos that I am really proud of.
• Confirmation by others: Again, not a numerical value, or one that you can control, but having people point out that ‘you’ve lost some weight haven’t you?’ Or ‘I can see you’ve lost weight around your neck, act as proof to you that the processes are working. These can be hugely motivating. Particularly if I know how hard I have worked at it. Again, I’m not the 16-year-old out-on-the-pull lad that I might have been once, so I’m not caring about impressing anyone too much, but it is nice to know about what others see of you. Out and about, professionally, on the football pitch, in the gym and on the beach... How I look Impacts on what people think and what I think others see is a measure, whether they say it or whether it is just in my head. I’m not going to be fishing for compliments, but it certainly does give you a measure of progress (and a bit of a buzz) when people do notice it. 
• More complex body-scale measurements: Often done through domestic electro-impedance scales, you can Give you all sorts of readings: Body Fat Percentage, Water Percentage, Muscle Percentage, etc and they even make estimates as to how old your body is, compared to your actual age. Again, like BMI I will monitor this over time and compare for progress, but won’t give it too much value. Why? Because these impedance scales (and the FitDays app mine comes with) are built on some pretty sketchy data that isn’t massively reliable. Interesting to look at, but not a lot more than that. Body Composition Scanning, completed by actual professionals (not a PT with some really unreliable fat pinching tool) are hundreds of pounds to get done and only then can you really see what your body is made up of. I don’t need that. I need a tight T-shirt that is getting looser over time. 

When I get to my first reflection point (at the end of week 1) I will have a bit of a bigger dig into the numbers to far. Then we can see.

For now, 5 days in, 7lbs down. (Let’s not think too much about how much of that was just water!!) 

Consistency When Life Has a New Normal

So at time of writing the UK has officially been in Coronavirus lockdown for 87 days, so around 12 and a half weeks. Up until that point, I was working towards my 'Easter Body'... a cut down version of myself in a toned 178lb ish body. 

I had managed to get some good consistency with workouts, attending the gym regularly, and when that closed, getting some garden workouts going. My eating was good and the pounds were dropping off well. 

Clothes began to fit well again. 

I was definitely on target. 

I pretty much started at Christmas and I'd made some pretty good gainz/losses since then. 

It was going well and I had got down to about 180lb with 3 weeks to go... then the call was made by our pal Boris. Lockdown.

'We can't change the situations we find ourselves in, only how we respond to them'... and to be fair, my first response was pretty good. I had some epic home workouts created and these were really consistent. I was getting up at a decent time every day and completing alternate push/pull garden workouts and my strength (albeit with a 20kg barbell, two 9kg dumbells and a few other bits) was actually maintained or marginally increasing..! 

Then boredom / panic buying / movie nights / huge binge eats began. This is where it all went down hill. I stopped being accountable for what I was eating and I stopped weighing myself on a regular basis. The pounds started going back on and quite fast. Before I knew it, I was back at 200lb (14 stone 4), which sits pretty much at my top weight where I know things are going wrong. (Still a way off of the 16 stone i managed to get to 9 years or so ago!! But still..)

I gain weight incredibly easily. I can very happily consume thousands of calories a day, on a regular basis... utting me in a huge surplus. Energy IN much higher than energy OUT. Particularly once the workouts got a little slower. I pushed myself a bit by challenging myself with running instead. For a good 3 weeks I actually got quite into it. It was going well. I was really enjoying the feeling of burning a huge amount of calories, really challenging myself with a hill run and the views from the top were magnificent. But then my calf injury came back. Originally came about 4 years ago whilst doing street sprints in Majorca and then reoccured about a year later in a summer charity football match over at Cirencester FC. 

It is agonising. Not when I do it, but for weeks afterwards. Mobility is reduced. It impacts my mood. I really can't run without pain for days after. So I stopped running. Again, big bump. 

Now that lockdown has been relaxed a little, I've been able to get my mountain bike back from the parents-in-law. This has been a bit of a game-changer for me. Hours of enjoyable exercise that's burning a decent amount of calories and not taking too long to recover afterwards. I have even managed to get the little brother into it too, which has been a lot of fun and good motivation. 

Anyway, moving forward, I'm back to work now, which is a bit of a distraction and, although less time with my amazing wife and baby, is an improved routine for a more 'normal' life. (Though I have DEFINITELY loved being at home). 

The 'New Normal' isn't going to feel normal for a long time. Not the life that we previously had. I will still have days where I won't be moving around much. I will have days where I will be far too close to the sweets cupboard and am suffering from a bit of boredom. But I need to respond better to this situation. I can use it as an OPPORTUNITY. I have more time. I have more access to home workouts and biking trips out. 

This is the new normal... and now is the time to rock it!

Finding My 'Why'...

So this one isn't supposed to sound too deep, but it has the potential.

Why? Why am I bothering to feel that little more hungry? Why am I pushing myself to ignore the leptin hormone that bit longer? Why am I pushing myself to be fitter in an aesthetic and sporting way?

Well, it is something I enjoy, once I get there.

For this to work well, I need drivers. I need things that are going to push me towards my goals. Intrinsic motivators that are there to satisfy me. I know that it is better for my health to be much further away from the 'obese' category of bodyfat percentages, I know that others may look at my current physique with a 'he's put on a few pounds' eye, but what are those things that I, the one going through it all, actually want from this? 

Sat on my phone for a long time now (and im my various workout and nutrition diaries prior to that) have been small reminders of the things that I can work towards if I put in the graft now. These intrinsic drivers are a good reminder when the going gets a little tougher or when the sweet packet gets handed round. I just need to remember them at those times!

1. Improved Health - OK so this one works as intrinsic and extrinsic. I know my family and friends want me to be happy and healthy and live long, blah blah, but I also want those things for myself. I don't want to be an old parent who can't chase my grand children around if I have any. I don't want to wake up with aches and pains before a time when it is normal (or even the aches and pains that I get now!). Side note: My back pains are far less when I am at a better weight. 
2. Better Sleep - Being hungry is a good reason to go to bed, you can't eat then! Ha. I have definitely found that when I am challenging myself more physically, particularly with early morning get-ups, I sleep so much better. My body is actually tired and I need the sleep. 
3. Physical Performance - Again, this is one that I thrive off of when I have it. Being able to compete physically with my brothers is something I always enjoy. Having mostly been the 'fat' one out of the 3 of us, or the one who was more acadmic so couldn't always keep up on the field, I've enjoyed being able to better myself and have enjoyed being able to keep up with them and the rest of the squad on a saturday at football. There's huge 'wins' from being physically fitter and being physically stronger than many on the pitch feels great. I love playing football, but it is so much easier when I am in a better shape: carrying less weight and have a better muscle mass makes the game far more enjoyable. Of course, I'm not a professional athlete and the results of my games don't actually matter (ish), but there's physical performance in all elements of life. Even right down to being able to be on my feet all day in front of a class of children, or kneel down for more than 10 minutes without going numb in the legs, its all physical. 
4. Body Confidence - This isn't one that blokes tend to talk about too much. It seems to be one of those girly topics when it comes to health, but I definitely think that I have suffered with elements of Body Dysmorphia over the years and have become incredibly critical about my body. I think it is probably due to the transitions I have gone through throughout my life. I have been through the times when I was very overweight, I had incredibly bad acne, I had 'fatty man-boobs' (thanks Dr for that note on my medical records) and I have also been through times when my body has been completely different to this. Going from just over 16 stone to 11 and a half stone, to then putting a bit more back on but getting a better muscle definition can really make you evaluate your body, but almost to a very unhealthy comparative level. I want to love the body that I am in (and mine could be a LOT worse), but I can't help but feel that I will be far more confident in my own skin, if I know that it is a healthier weight, it is making life tasks much easier and it is where I want to be. I am realistic, I don't have the genetics for a 6 pack body (nor the narcissistic approach to eating to diet that heavily, all the time!) I know where my 'happy zone' is in terms of body. It is when I have met some of these goals and my tops fit better again!!
5. Clothes Fitting - I guess you could relate this one back to the body confidence one... But I have some really nice clothes, that have only been worn once or twice, because I bought them when I was at a smaller size, then got bigger, so they were seldom worn. But I know I look good in them and I like how I look in them. Likewise, I like how I look when I don't have them on, or when a surprise photograph is taken of me from the side and I haven't had time to breath in, lift my chest and suck in several chins. I really want to get to the point where I can have an entire new wardrobe, without having to spend a penny, because they're all currently vacuum packed in the loft! For now, I will continue in my 4 t-shirts that fit, which are coincidentally almost my first 4 that I ever bought, about 10 years ago, before I lost a load of weight. 

I know that I can become obsessive over this. I have always been very fortunate in life to never really suffer with any mental health issues. But if I really had to pick at my own mental health, I would say that my obsessions over how I look, my weight, what I eat, how I have or have not exercised.... could be a little obsessive. It would be nice to calm this a little so that routines and standards are in place, so that I don't need to 'focus' on it. I have almost definitely got some sort of genuine eating disorder when it comes to binge eating. Many would describe it as a common thing that all people do, particularly when external factors such as tiredness and stress impact on you, but mine can be to a totally different level, and I can do it in quite a hidden way, eating huge amounts of calories in one sitting, without any control over what I put into my pie-hole! Then spend the next 6 hours regretting it massively. This is something I'm working on. It's not something I'm proud of, and I'm sure it is just habitual, but it definitely has impacted massively on my caloric intakes over recent years, so is something I am taking steps to work on. 

My 'why'? Life. The enjoyment of life and life with those around me. You only get the one body to live in, and it's only going to be around for a short period of time. Be happy in it.